2 days before
I am lost. I think I am lost a long time ago, just that I realized it now. Does what you do in this life determines what you get here or is it the obfuscating Karma that plays spoilsport?? I dont' think God is impartial, he cant' be. Its' a problem faced by even him. Because if he doesnt make someone Bigger, Better, Richer and smarter than the others, how will people dream?? How will the fantasies of mortals fly high?? Then there are some of us who dont want to work for what they want to be, to earn or to be close to. They will sit there full of idle corpulence praying to God to award them what they want. To make them what they wish to be, to get them closer to someone they want to be close to. They will sit at the fence doing nothing the entire life but just praying. Imagine God does not award them. What happens? atleast the praying ones will lose faith in him. If they realize that for sitting idle and just praying to HIM isnt' going to help, they will stop dreaming. If people stop dreaming, who will pray to him? See, even God has ego. So God decides to award some of them here and there. Now from what will he reward them? Who will make the effort? Ofcourse silly, the hardworkers will!!!. God has power to distribute. U will work hard, but as a sales tax or commission, God will take some reward that u deserve for spending sleepless nights, making efforts towards your goal. And he will give that portion of reward to the praying sect so that their belief is maintained and god's authority remains established. Now what portion of your awrd is deducted, when it is deducted and how it is deducted is not controlled by you. Its' him that decides all the parameters. And there is no one to audit the accounts of God, is there?? Thats why your parents, friends, well wishers, philosophers and guides advise you to pray even if you work very hard. So that HE remains happy with your sycophancy and deduct a little from your account in a manner which hurts the least. Deduction will be there for sure, you see there is no other way GOD can keep him authority and make others bow before him.You might ask "What sins had I committed for this tribulation"?? "Why do some people get more than they deserve??". Its' all maths my friend, a cruel kind of maths which is not objective but subjective. Depends upon HIS whims and fantasies. I have suffered too long. I have been wronged too many times,
(present situation)12:15 Wednesday( 11_6_2008)
But I think my tribulations are going to end soon because I have ultimate faith in god nw. why has I been so loathful abt him till nw?well,my nebulous life for the past few years has made me closer to god nw.I Seek for a change nw because we are all silly creature living at his clemency. pray and he will reward u!god is preponderant and ubiquitous and I feel pity on the nihilist guys around who never seek for a change. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
2 days after???????????????.........
This is me!!so obscure and pandemonious abt everything.